My goal was to write five blog posts this week and I was off to a great start…. three in a row. So of course, the universe decided to throw me for a loop. I had a nice part-time job at a small, local architecture firm for the past 2 years of school. It provided me with real-world experience and flexible hours during school and the people I worked with were nice. Unfortunately, the salary was about half what I should be making and the job offered no benefits. In addition, I’d kind of peaked and was simply doing the same thing over and over again. As an architectural intern, it’s important for my education to continue at my job, so that one day I will be a better architect. So, I left the job in July.
Tuesday I got a frantic text from a former co-worker. She is pregnant and was suddenly put on bed rest and wondered if I could come back in to work this week to finish up a project she was working on that is due Friday. I checked my schedule and let her know that, yes, I could help her. I’m now worried that I might regret that decision.
You see, I’d gotten away. I have been looking for one of those jobs out there that I know is a better fit. It’s uncomfortable and scary to be out of work and searching, but I was doing it. Going back was too easy. They love me there, and they miss me and they have repeatedly asked me to come back. It would be an easy thing to do. They offered to keep my hours down to 20/week so I could still look for work. I’d have a few more funds coming in, which would definitely help right now. They even offered me a raise. But I’m not going to do it. I can’t.
I need to value myself before others will see that value. I graduated top of my class. My skills are worth those big firm jobs with competitive salaries, seemingly endless benefits, exciting work culture and a clear pathway to licensure. I am worthy of a job that will move my career forward instead of pigeon-holing me into a role that doesn’t allow me to grow as a future architect. I need to say no. Despite the fact that I think my co-workers are fantastic people, despite the fact that it is comfortable and easy there; and despite the fact that I know they really need my help for more than just this week. So I will help them meet this deadline, because I made that commitment and I am a woman of my word. But then, I will say goodbye and I will walk away. They will find someone else to fill my position, as they should have done when I left the first time. They may struggle for a few weeks, but it will be better for all of us in the long term.
I will continue on the path towards the job I need and want to move me forward. These past few days back at my old job have been busy (but not necessarily productive) and I’ve found myself too busy to meet my own goals and deadlines; and that can no longer continue. I have to keep telling myself, “It’s ok to walk away from things not meant for you. It’s also ok if not everyone understands your path as you do so. Many people take what life gives them and don’t understand someone who is actively looking for something better. That’s ok. Wish them well on their journey and continue on yours, without worrying about their criticism. If you know it’s right, you owe it to yourself to go for it.”
With that in mind, I’m going to continue to value myself and follow my path; and I know someday soon the right company will value me as well.